I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: We live in a world of instant gratification. No one wants to work for anything. And if it doesn’t happen RIGHT NOW, then it isn’t worth having.
We see this in every aspect of life: from finances and careers to parenting and relationships. It’s a growing epidemic striking not only my generation, but those before and after me. It’s almost as though all the values taught have been lost somewhere in time.
One of the biggest “expectations” out there seems to be that of instantaneous “trust.”
“If you don’t have trust in a relationship, you have no relationship,” says the person, often in a new relationship, struggling to convince him/herself that Trust is an immediate requirement. Trying to convince him/herself that it is wrong to doubt his/her new partner.
Now, perhaps it is my own life experiences that control my thoughts/beliefs on this issue. Maybe it is an old soul’s wisdom. Or maybe I’m a little “out there” on some of my beliefs. Either way, I say to you: STOP.
Stop forcing yourself to trust.
Stop expecting others to Trust you without putting in the work.
Stop beating yourself up for doubting.
Stop thinking that there is something “wrong” with you because you lack the instrumental Trust factor.
Trust takes time to build. Yes, it is instrumental in a long and healthy relationship. But to think that it is something one should carelessly just “give” without the recipient having to earn it … that is foolishness.
A person who desires Trust, should be eager to earn it. And to earn it, one must get to know the giver of such trust, understand their expectations, and know what is important to them. What are the relationship standards? What does the giver percieve to be important? To earn trust, you must understand the giver’s view. Is trust, in their eyes, a thing given until they have a reason not to? Is it something that must be earned by honesty and transparency? Or are they simply looking for a feeling?
And what if, trust IS given, only to be broken? What defines that breaking moment? Is it a white lie? An omission? A deep betrayal? Or, is it a combination of feelings and actions? Mismatched words?
Noone is “entitled” to your trust. It is a gift for you to give. It should be cherished. Respected. Nurtured. Accepted … not demanded.
In a world full of dishonesty, earned trust is a prize. It says, “I believe in you.” It separates you from the rest of the world, and puts your relationship on a level that some can only wish for.
For me, trust must always be earned. Life has taught me, the hard way, to never take it for granted when I earn it, and to never give it without it having been earned. I know the value. I see the importance. And I believe that there is nothing stronger than a love wherein trust has been earned … after all, we are so much more likely to honor Trust and remain loyal to that trust, if we have had to earn it.